ROAST REPORT Volume #1
State of 'Is Dead' 2026
Multiple deaths reported on LinkedIn. 0 bodies. Presenting the RoastWriter investigation into LinkedIn's most-loved and most-hated hook.
Executive Summary
Killing topics, trends and half of the internet seems like LinkedIn's favourite trope.
Nobody brings a body. Everyone brings a CTA. We pulled 82 real posts and scored the discourse. Verdict: “is dead” is just a hook dressed as an autopsy — and the algorithm loves a confident coroner.
"X is dead" isn't a finding. It's an autopsy headline on a living idea. Sometimes making more MRRs than the engagement on the post declaring it dead.
Category Breakdown
Four horsemen of 'is dead' on LinkedIn
Marketers declaring marketing dead. Performance art.
LinkedIn users announcing LinkedIn’s demise on LinkedIn.
The entire employment contract abolished by status updates.
Cold DMs keep dying. So do the posts about them.
Signal Strength Heatmap
How heated is each claim?
The Death Index
Obituaries only — the “isn’t dead” claims are in Outliers below.
Fishes swimming against the algorithm
The "isn't dead" claims from the analysis — the ones that are round pegs in round holes which look like square when seen with round eyes.
Conclusion
Not a spoiler at all: nothing died.
Across 82 posts (at least I got some receipts), LinkedIn declared dead: the internet, SEO, blogging, newsletters, cold outreach, hashtags, carousels, engagement pods, hustle culture, the 9-to-5, degrees, résumés, cover letters, performance reviews, corporate loyalty, promotion ladders, thought leadership, content calendars, growth hacks, vanity metrics, marketing funnels, and linear careers. All still happening. All still posted about — on LinkedIn.
The most alive thing on LinkedIn is the post that says everything else is dead. Before you believe or publish one, ask: Who’s saying it? What are they selling? Is there a post two swipes down saying the opposite? There usually is.
Sources & References
Primary sources & few that deal with real claims. Unlike many of LinkedIn posts, these come with citations.
Platform & Algorithm
Algorithm InSights Report 2025 — van der Blom / Just Connecting™
Analysis of 1.8M LinkedIn posts. Core source for the 50% organic reach decline, 25% engagement drop, 59% follower growth slowdown, and shifts to depth-based scoring.
LinkedIn Algorithm 2026 — Agorapulse Blog
Synthesises van der Blom data with 2026 platform context. Views down 50%, follower growth down 59%, 81% of B2B campaigns failing to capture user attention. Published February 2026.
LinkedIn Algorithm Reset Q4 2025 — PropelGrowth
Covers Trust Insights 360Brew study and the shift from Social Graph to Interest Graph. LinkedIn now reads your profile as part of its post-ranking decisions — a documented change.
Why Organic LinkedIn Reach Is Dead for B2B — EPOS Marketing
Nov 2025. Company pages reach only 1.6% of followers. Paid content now 40% of the LinkedIn feed. Full reference bibliography included in original article.
How the LinkedIn Algorithm Works in 2025 — AuthoredUp
Based on 621,833 posts. Reach down for 98% of users vs prior year. Saves and reposts are strongest reach drivers. 72% of LinkedIn activity on mobile.
A Leader's Guide to the LinkedIn Algorithm — Mercer-Mackay
Jun 2025. Contextualises Algorithm InSights 2025 for executives. The "gaming era" is over. Short-form vertical video up 69% YoY despite dedicated feed removal.
Influencer Marketing
Influencer Marketing Trends 2026 — Bottle Digital PR
Jan 2026. Source for: 73% of brands favouring micro/mid-tier over celebrities. Nano-influencers = 75.9% of Instagram, 87.68% of TikTok influencer base. Documents LinkedIn "prediction post" overload in January 2026.
14 Influencer Marketing Growth Statistics for 2026 — Archive.com
Based on Influencer Marketing Hub Benchmark Report 2025. Industry reached $32.55B in 2026 at 33.11% CAGR. Nano-influencers achieve 2.71% engagement — 50% higher than micro-influencers.
2026 Influencer Marketing Predictions — The Influencer Marketing Factory
AI usage in creator workflows, affiliate platform growth, long-term creator ambassador trend replacing one-off celebrity deals. Gen Alpha spending power rising fast.
Workplace Culture & Gen Z
Deloitte Global 2025 Gen Z & Millennial Survey
14th annual edition. 23,482 respondents, 44 countries. Published May 2025. Key data: 40% of Gen Z stressed all/most of the time; only 6% cite senior leadership as primary career goal; 72% rank work-life balance as top priority; Gen Z/Millennials will be 74% of global workforce by 2030.
Deloitte 2025: Gen Z Mental Well-Being at Work
Oct 2025. 36% of Gen Z exhausted all/most of the time. 42% struggle to perform due to burnout. Long working hours cited by 48% as top stress driver. Mental health is Gen Z's #2 societal concern after cost of living.
The Impact of Hustle Culture on Gen Z Mental Health — Impossible Psych Services
Contextualises Deloitte data within the hustle culture debate. WHO data: 700,000 annual deaths globally attributed to overwork. Notes generational shift redefining traditional success metrics.
SEO & Technology
100+ AI SEO Statistics for 2026 — Position Digital
Updated February 2026. AI Overviews now reduce clicks by 58% (Ahrefs, Feb 2026). 60% of searches end without a click (Bain, Feb 2025). Only 1% of searches lead to clicks within an AI Overview (Pew Research, Jul 2025).
Zero Click Search Statistics 2026 — Click-Vision
Jan 2026. Over 80% of searches now end without a click (Similarweb). AIO-triggered results: 83% zero-click rate. Traditional queries without AIO: ~60%. ChatGPT, Perplexity and Gemini compounding the Google zero-click trend.
Is SEO Dead in 2026? — Surfer SEO
Counter-argument: 76.1% of URLs in AI Overviews also rank in Google's top 10. Google handles 373x more searches than ChatGPT. SEO is evolving, not dying — the fundamentals of authority and trust remain unchanged.
30+ AI SEO Statistics for 2026 — SEOmator
61% CTR drop when AI Overviews appear (1.76% to 0.61%). 93% zero-click rate in AI Mode. AI-referred traffic converts 23x higher than organic search visitors. GEO market projected to reach $7.3B by 2031 at 34% CAGR.
Retire These 9 SEO Metrics Before 2026 — Search Engine Land
Feb 2026. 94% of B2B buyers now use LLMs during buying process (6sense Buyer Experience Report). 24% of CMOs use ChatGPT/Perplexity to research vendors — up from zero mentions a year ago.
Is SEO Dead with the Rise of AI Search? — Sapphire SEO Solutions
Jan 2026. Nearly 35% of US Gen Z use AI chatbots like ChatGPT and Perplexity instead of Google. Cross-platform optimisation now essential; different AI platforms favour different source types with minimal citation overlap.
Methodology Note
This is a parody report. Though not as funny as the 'is dead' posts on LinkedIn. While this isn't dedicated, expansive, or exhaustive research, it's better than the research presented by the 'is dead' posts. All characters in this report seem to be fictional, a mental construct or something you will not have to eulogize if you were marketing right. I did use a number of posts. So hard getting them. Discourse volume figures are relative estimates based on observed post frequency and engagement signals — indicative, not measured. Verdicts are editorial and intentionally tongue-in-cheek. This report did not declare anything dead in the process of writing.